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Millennial Dad

You Are Not a Caveman!


There is a lot of discussion in popular literature in the pop-psychology and self-help genera around how humans behaved within the state of nature. (Liz tells me “a lot” of discussion might be an overstatement but hang with me for a moment).


What this means is many people take assumptions about how our ancient ancestors, cave men (How sexist! Cave People!) developed and apply these to how we are now. Sometimes this is called evolutionary psychology. These are often attempts to understand how “unnatural” modern society is and how we might live a little more connected to our true selves. Some of these ideas truly can provide insight and good advice on life. Periodic disconnection from technology, for example, is obviously good advice and there a lots of reasons, some science based, and other more anecdotal which would suggest that. Truly, I don’t think our brains are designed for the constant dopamine hits our smart phones can supply.


However, there is one idea out their which I take umbrage with! (And if you don’t know that word, think of Delores Umbrage from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and you will have some idea of what I mean). And that is the concept of the:

HEDONIC TREADMILL!


(crickets…) I understand many people don’t think about this often so let me explain.


This general idea about the hedonic treadmill is this,

When we were Cavemen, (Or Cavepeople, dear daughters), we had to constantly search for food! We couldn’t rest on our cave man laurels once we had bludgeoned a rabbit or gathered enough berries because we would need to eat and then take on the next challenge for the next meal. And those who did not immediately pursue the next challenge due to personal caveman (or cavewoman) satisfaction  would die and fail to pass on their genes. We have an enate longing for the next best thing that comes even upon the heels our recent accomplishments. So we’re on a treadmill of satisfaction which leads to dissatisfaction and so on.


You, modern man, or woman, now have the unfortunate position of no longer living meal to meal but still have a diminishing sense of satisfaction with something you previously found exciting or good. Think about the excitement you have when you get a new car, but how that goes away within a month or so. This, so the concept goes, is why you get tired of eating the same thing over and over again or reading those Harry Potter books after the 5th time through. (ok, ok, this is a purposefully bad example, these books are treasures and will I never get tired of Harry Potter, after all these years, always.)  Our diminishing sense of satisfaction is supposed to spur us on to bigger and greater accomplishments. Or, conversely, causes us modern men (and women) to get depressed when we get stuck in the same pattern day in and day out like Edward Norton’s character in Fight Club.


This idea was first proposed (in this manner) by Philip Brickman and Donald T. Campbell in their essay “Hedonic Relativism and Planning the Good Society.”

And while there are compelling elements to this story of how we came to be beset with malaise, I think it is only part of the story.


YOU are not a caveman! (This statement applies doubly to women). You are a fully developed human (hu-woman). You have the ability to ask the question, “What brings my life meaning?”


You have agency. Consciousness. Dare I say it a soul.

So yes, life is built in with diminishing returns on pleasures, but you are not a simple caveman. (Whoa! Man! Ok, I’ve exhausted this aside now) You are made in the image of God, with a divine spark. You have free will. A choice. I believe that our sense of dissatisfaction is not at its core something physical. And if we try to fill that dissatisfaction in that manner you will be truly disappointed. Food, alcohol, money, sex, will not satisfy the longings of your soul. And the more of each of those things you get the more dissatisfied with them you will be.


Life is a journey to find meaning. You are on that journey. Find what brings your soul meaning. As I have said before, Viktor Frankl was on to deep truths when he said meaning can be found in work, suffering, and relationships (love). When these three are working in tandem, you’re working and suffering in service to individuals you love, you’re well on track. And of course, the deepest most meaningful relationship is found in connection and relationship with God. A God who is there and loves you and wants to know you and be known by you.


Now go. Get off the treadmill. Decide how to choose to spend your life. Choose well.

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