There is a principal in life that is somewhat surprising to learn, but if you can embrace it you will do well. I see often that those in my generation feel that they have grown weary in suffering and unmet expectations. I hope to challenge you to embrace a different perspective.
Suffering can make you a better person. I say it “can” instead of “it always” because it is not a forgone conclusion that it does. Some respond to suffering with bitterness and anger. That response will lead you into a cycle of destruction.
I work with injured people. People who have suffered all manner of injury from minor soreness to long term disabilities. I have a client who lost his leg in a terrible accident. It is so impressive to me that this individual has chosen to respond in a way the makes him thrive. Then, there are some people choose to respond to much more minor injuries in a way that absolutely ruins their lives. They get angry, they are consumed with their own victimhood. I see it all the time and its a dark path. The way through is all about the choice.
Your response to suffering makes all the difference.
This is the central idea of Viktor Frankl’s masterpiece “Man’s Search for Meaning.”
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” – Viktor Frankl.
You will always be able to choose your response to any form of suffering. And if you choose wisely and embrace the hard things, they will cause you to grow. This is one of the central messages of Jesus as well. We have a suffering savior. He took up a cross and paid the ultimate sacrifice and then tells you to do the same. Matthew 16:24 “… If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Choose to deny yourself and suffer. James 2:1-3 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
Now obviously, being a trial lawyer this is a terrific verse. If I’m facing trials of many kinds business is good! … ( joking, joking ). But what could this mean? Why would we consider it a joyous occasion that you are facing a trial or in other words you are suffering? It is because that testing produces perseverance, or in other words, it improves you.
This principle of suffering is in every aspect of life. In physical fitness, if you suffer in your work out you will become stronger, you will be able to run farther. If you sacrifice your free time and study you will do better in school. If you work hard at something, you will do well. If you put other people before yourself in your relationships, you will gain friends. If you choose to sacrifice your own desires and put your spouse first, you will gain a good marriage.
I hope my kids ask themselves this question throughout their lives: What will you choose to sacrifice in order to improve your life and those around you? More importantly, when suffering that you do not choose comes, and it will, choose to engage it and to come out stronger. Embrace suffering of all kinds. Let it grow you. Choose to learn from it. Consider it joy. It is making you better.
1 Peter chapter 5 is excellent for resetting our minds and our focus to growing instead.
“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
1 Peter 5:10 ESV
Be an example of humility, grace and growth in suffering. It will be better.